


Married?!

by larry_is_not_real



Category: Real Person Fiction
Genre: Complete, Mild Language, Other, brief reference to drugs and alcohol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-18
Updated: 2017-04-18
Packaged: 2018-10-20 11:01:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10661205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/larry_is_not_real/pseuds/larry_is_not_real
Summary: Jamie has been dating Keanu Reeves for two months.  When they wake up one morning, they're in for a shock.





	Married?!

**Author's Note:**

> If there is enough interest, I'll write a follow-up or alternative perspective story.

Jamie stirred, rolling to their side and burying their face into the warm, solid chest they found. That wasn't terribly unusual these days. They had been dating someone for around two months and the two often spent nights together. When they rubbed their eyes, though, there was something VERY unusual.

A ring.

On the fourth finger of their left hand.

They sat up, blinking, then looked at their boyfriend's left hand. And saw a matching ring.

The two had gotten high as fuck the night before, as well as having enough drinks to make the night blurry in memory. And apparently it had been VERY blurry.

'Ke. Keanu!' Jamie said urgently. The man didn't stir, and Jamie sighed, getting up. On the bedside table in the hotel suite was a official looking document. _This is to certify that the undersigned, James Dalton, did on the 23rd day of the month of February in the year 2017 join in lawful wedlock_...

 _WEDLOCK_?! They continued reading.

... _Keanu Charles Reeves of Hollywood California, date of birth 09/02/1964 and Jamie Cameron Twain of New York City, date of birth 02/27/1979_...

SHIT! 'KEANU!' Jamie exclaimed, shaking the man rather hard.

'Mmph... what, babe?' he asked, sitting up, his eyes bloodshot.

Wordlessly, Jamie pointed to their finger, then Keanu's finger, then handed him the paper. 'We... seem to be married,' they said, biting their lip.

'WHAT?' Keanu nearly shouted, making Jamie jump back, startled. He read the paper, a frown creasing his brow. He grabbed his phone and groaned. 47 texts. He opened the one from his mother first. _'Hon, there are pictures on EVERY media outlet showing you and Jamie getting married. Please call your very confused mother!'_

His publicist was next. It was much more blunt. _'KC-- CALL ME ASAFP.'_

 _Shit._ Bev only called him KC when she was furious. It was her text equivalent of being middle-named.

He looked up at his... what would the noun be? Jamie was legally female but they identified as non-binary; he decided spouse was the best bet. 'Well. We certainly made a splash in the media,' he said, his voice still sleep-rough.

Jamie was watching a video on TMZ's website. 'That we did,' they said, their voice shaking. 'What are we going to do?'

Keanu remained silent for over a minute, as he often did when formulating a response. Jamie was anxious and the silence exacerbated it, but they were also used to Keanu's manner of speaking, so they waited, leg bouncing anxiously.

'Well...' Keanu started. 'We could get it annulled... it's already questionably legal because we were under the influence.' He paused.

For some odd reason, that answer unexpectedly twisted Jamie's heart. They sensed an unspoken 'or' in Keanu's response and tilted their head. 'Or...?' they prompted softly.

'Or...' Keanu hesitated, then raised his brown eyes to meet Jamie's green ones. 'We can make a go of it.' He drew a deep breath. 'I know I haven't said it, and I know it's sort of fast but... I DO love you' he said.

And THAT reply made Jamie's heart flutter. Based on their physical reactions, they decided. Sitting next to their husband, Jamie laced their fingers with Keanu's. 'I think I was in love with you by our third date.' Jamie hesitated. 'I want to make a go of it. I'm sure there'll be some bad times. But I think with work--and love--we can make it work.'

Keanu nodded, his eyes softening. 'I'll call Bev and let her know. She's going to chew me a new asshole. But... you're worth it.' He stood, dropping a kiss to the top of Jamie's head.

While Keanu was on the phone, Jamie googled Keanu's name. The first three pages of hits were exclusively about the marriage. They clicked on the Buzzfeed article.

> _Ladies--and gentlemen--it seems that Hollywood's committed bachelor is one no longer. Photos and video released by paparazzi very early this morning show Reeves and his partner of two months, Jamie Twain, exchanging vows in the Cupids Wedding Chapel. Calls to Keanu's publicist were unanswered as of this writing. We'll update as details emerge._

Just as they finished reading, Jamie's mother called. 'Jamie Cameron!' she began. _Shit._ 'Why am I learning about your MARRIAGE via media camped on my lawn?!'

Jamie really didn't want to tell their mother how the marriage came to be. But she was shrewd, and Jamie couldn't lie to her. She could see through any falsehood they told.

With a sigh, they said, 'I... we didn't really know ourselves. We were drinking and... the night is blurry.'

'So you're having it annulled then.' It was a flat statement.

'No. We're going to make a go of it.' They knew the sentence would not end well.

Keanu had finished his phone call and rejoined Jamie. The older man saw the anxiety in his spouse's body and sat behind them.

'JAMIE CAMERON TWAIN YOU ARE NOT FUCKING STAYING MARRIED TO THAT... THAT... CRADLE ROBBING PERVERT' Loretta screamed. Jamie winced. Keanu had heard the shouting--it was impossible not to. Jamie began to shake from anxiety and the phone fell to the bed.

Keanu grabbed it. 'Loretta, your child is only 15 years younger than I am. Being nearly 40, they are an adult in every manner, and capable of making their own decisions. I am going to go, so I can help them through the panic attack you've caused. I strongly suggest you not call my _spouse_ again until you're able to be pleasant, or at least respectful.'

'What the fu--' she started to yell. Keanu disconnected halfway into the third word.

'Come here, baby,' he said softly. He scooted back so that Jamie could join him. Jamie lay down, their head in Keanu's lap, shaking and crying, gasping through the panic attack. They couldn't handle violent shouting, which Loretta either didn't comprehend or simply didn't care about. Finally the panic ebbed and Jamie lay limp on the bed.

Keanu shifted so he was lying beside Jamie, pulling them close. 'I love you,' he whispered. 'Realising that we're married was a shock. But I absolutely do not regret it. We can--we WILL--make this work,' he vowed quietly.

Jamie looked up as Keanu spoke, lost in the older man's eyes. At the last sentences, their face melted into a soft smile, their eyes shining. They twined their fingers with Keanu's and solemnly replied, 'We will,' before leaning in for a soft kiss.


End file.
